Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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