I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
