I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
