i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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