If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
