I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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