Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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