Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
