you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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