Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
