A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
