New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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