i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
