I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
