Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
