i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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