Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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