my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize