My brain says no but my pants say off.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
