Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
