so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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