Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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