oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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