Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
