After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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