tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
