2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
