don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
we're so committed to being not committed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
