I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
