They should really pass out barf bags in church
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
