we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz