Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......