That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.