yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
