Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
