So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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