sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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