I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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