so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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