How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
