Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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