Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
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Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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