): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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