So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
