Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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