Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
