Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
