i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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