Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
