Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Randomize
