Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
