birth control should be required to get into college
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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