why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
only you would photoshop your dick
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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