ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
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SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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