I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
