wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
