there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
