my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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