Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
