I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
