If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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